May is the month for mothers. Unfortunately, not all mothers will be celebrating. I consider myself to be extremely blessed to have my three sons here with me. I look forward to celebrating Mother’s day with them in a few weeks.
I also consider myself very blessed to have a son in Heaven. I lost Auriel in a first trimester miscarriage in December 2010. I’m not going to share much of his story now, but I do want to share a little of how he has changed my life.
Auriel has given me a gift of patience. I find that I am more patient with his brothers. I am also more patient with others. I more easily sympathize with what they are going through, even if I don’t know what it is. I am more aware that people are struggling with invisible baggage that sometimes their closest friends and loved ones don’t understand. If I can help even a little just by offering a kind smile I choose to do that.
Auriel has also made me more short tempered in some aspects too. I find that I treasure life even more since his loss than before, and I get very irritated when others do not respect life. I see this in the news, innocent victims of horrible crimes. I see mothers grieving because their child has been killed. I see mothers being attacked for grieving and loving their child who has done the unthinkable. ALL life is precious.
Driving has become a nightmare for me. I want to shout at folks who put their own schedule ahead of the safety of others. People who have so little disregard for the lives of others that they speed down the street weaving in and out of traffic. People in such a hurry that they cut the wrong way down a (temporary) one way street in front of my son’s school.
Where these things bothered me before, now I just want to yell at the top of my lungs “What do you think you are doing? Why are you so fast to put yourself before others, so fast to hate?” I find it both easier and harder to see the good in people since Auriel.
In many ways Auriel has given me more as a woman than his brothers, more as a mother than his brothers. Yet it is the presence of his brothers that makes me a mother in our society. One in four American women are affected by miscarriage, still-birth, and infant loss. One in four American mothers are not considered mothers by our society. If you are one of those mothers I want you to know that I think you are a beautiful mother. I know that your baby matters. You matter. You are a mom even if all your children have their wings.
For the very brave women willing to share their losses with the world I would like to share these graphics with you. They are sized for a Facebook timeline cover and please feel free to use them if you would like. The quote is from Francesca Cox, and we all know it to be true, “A Mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”
International Bereaved Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 5th. If you know someone who will be remembering and mourning their child please take a moment to let them know that you care.